Butt Crack

Since my brother and his family (wife, eleven-year-old twin girls, and an ancient cat) will be coming to visit during the week of Thanksgiving, I decided to wash the mountain of dirty clothes that I have been collecting in the kitchen. Actually, I only decided to wash one-half of the mountain this weekend; the other half, I plan to wash next weekend.

This weekend, I took all of my t-shirts and briefs, no dark clothing, so that I could use bleach, and get them really white. Even though I took only one-half of the clothes that needed washing, I still was going to need to use the "industrial strength, heavy duty, extremely huge" washer, the one that takes five dollars in quarters.

Before I could get going, however, I first needed to purchase some laundry detergent and some fabric softener sheets, so I went to the grocery store. Since a Books-a-Million was in the same shopping center as the grocery store, and since I had neglected to bring The New York Times crossword with me to pass the time, I went into the bookstore, looked around for a while and purchased a copy of Crime and Punishment.

Then, I went to the coin-operated laundry. Wouldn't you know it, the only five dollar washer was in use! Bah! I drove to a not-too-distant Walgreen's, in search of some chips, for a snack. Unfortunately, they didn't have Sun Chips, that type that I had a craving for. I drove on, ending up at a convenience store, which did have them. By the time that I got back to the laundry, another patron, a big, fat guy, whose butt crack I could see when he bent over, was loading his clothes into the big washer. Crap!

I drove downtown, to a convenience store which I knew had a cappuccino machine and got myself a cup. While I was out, I saw a red pickup truck with a bumper sticker which read: "Sorry I didn't make it to church. I was busy practing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." When I returned to the laundry, I only had to wait about five minutes for the coveted washer. Yay! I loaded up my clothes and sat down to enjoy my coffee.

After I divided the clean clothes into two dryers, I opened my book and was able to read ten pages of it before the clothes were not only clean, but dry, too. I got back home at approximately twelve-thirty, which, since I had left at a little before ten o'clock, made my outing between two and one-half and three hours.